


Not A We Thing

by adorkablephil (kimberly_a)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Independence, M/M, There's more than one way to be supportive, YouTube, supportive boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 16:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12938922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimberly_a/pseuds/adorkablephil
Summary: Dan gives a talk at the YouTube “UK on Stage” event (December 5, 2017), and Phil stays home





	Not A We Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something inspired by the following: [this video clip from Dan’s talk](https://twitter.com/bIushyboy/status/938367553025531904), [this clip from Caspar’s livestream](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8a5i9brgms&feature=youtu.be&t=1m1s), and [this tweet](https://twitter.com/stilladorkable/status/938600057007255552)

It felt incredibly strange to be on the red carpet alone.

In the green room … alone.

Hovering near the snacks table … alone.

Wandering from one room to another, trying to look busy … alone.

Everywhere … alone … because Phil wasn’t here.

* * *

He’d asked Phil to come with him to the UK on Stage event, but at first Phil had made the excuse that he needed to be home for their Christmas tree delivery.

“You could have scheduled the delivery for another night, Phil,” Dan had replied, feeling a bit hurt that Phil didn’t consider Dan’s speech a higher priority. He was about to stand up in front of a live crowd and talk about his most difficult and personal issues … and Phil would rather stay home to wait for some festively kilted lumberjack? “You could still call to reschedule.”

Phil fiddled with his fringe a bit, trying to tuck the end behind his ear, though it was never quite long enough except when he really needed a haircut. “It’s cold out,” Phil complained. He pulled up the hood of his hoodie and wrapped his arms around himself as if braving the Arctic, rather than sitting on the sofa of their comfortably heated flat.

Dan stood and turned slowly, holding his arms out to model his outfit. “Look at me! I’m not even going to wear a coat! I’m just going to be out there in my Wimbledon jumper, with the cold wind getting my nipples all erect, right there in front of everyone, right there on the red carpet. You really want me getting erect without you, Phil?” He raised an eyebrow, watching Phil blush and giggle and push his hood back down, leaving his dark hair a tousled mess. Those pale eyes looked serious, though.

“Come on,” Dan begged. “Come with me. I never go to these things without you! I’m not sure it’s physically possible! Who’ll help me eat all the snacks?”

Phil bit his lip but didn’t say anything for a long moment. Dan’s spirits rose as he became increasingly certain that he’d won and Phil was going to agree to go put on something besides that ratty hoodie and come support the most important person in his life when he was most needed.

“If I come,” Phil began, and Dan did an internal dance of celebration. He’d definitely won. Phil’s reluctance, whatever its source, had been utterly defeated. It was better than beating him at Mario Kart! But Phil was shaking his head now. “Dan, I didn’t say I was going to come. Just … listen for a minute.”

Dan’s internal dance of celebration turned into a maudlin modern dance expressing the concept of disappointment.

“If I went,” Phil began again, “everyone would take pictures of us on the red carpet, and they would interview us, and … it would be all about us.”

Brows furrowed in confusion, Dan prompted, “And?”

Phil took Dan’s hand and pulled him down to sit beside him on the sofa. “Dan, tonight isn’t about us. Tonight is about **you**. It’s about what you have accomplished. What you’ve gone through. What you decided to do about it. What it has meant for you, and for your connection with your audience.” Dan was nodding. Of course he’d had Phil read the talk in advance to give feedback.

Sliding his other hand up to cradle Dan’s cheek, Phil said gently, “Tonight isn’t about us, Dan. It’s about you. And if I’m there, it’ll be about us. I want the spotlight to be on you, just you. You deserve it. I don’t want you to share it tonight. Not even with me. I want it to be all about you.”

“But what about the BONCAs?” Dan challenged. “You winning Creator of the Year and calling me up onstage to share it? Where was all this insistence on the individual spotlight then?”

Phil smiled softly and leaned forward to press just the hint of a kiss to Dan’s lips. “You know it’s not the same. This is your private story, Dan. The story you were afraid to share for years, the story you finally decided to tell, and the story about what that ended up meaning to you and to your audience. This is **personal** , Dan. This isn’t about making a movie or making some videos … this is about major personal life experiences.” Dan gulped. He knew Phil was right, but he didn’t want to face tonight alone. “You deserve to stand there on stage and be recognized for yourself, Daniel Howell … not half of Dan-and-Phil.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Dan insisted, not going down without a fight.

“But you can do **this** without me,” Phil responded. “You can go and take the credit for all the hard work, all the hard decisions, all the chances you took, and all the wonderful things that happened as a result. I’m just the supporting cast on this one, Dan. The hard work was yours. I want to see you appreciated for it.” He leaned forward for another light, reassuring kiss.

Dan wrapped a hand around the back of Phil’s neck and pulled him in for a deeper kiss, licking into his mouth with obvious lascivious promise. When he finally pulled away, his lips were tingling from the pressure, and he whispered, “Okay. Fine. But only if you’re here to appreciate me and my hard nipples when I get home.”

* * *

So when Dan was hovering uncomfortably among a milling bunch of people he didn’t know and suddenly saw Caspar livestreaming, he immediately meandered over to say hello. He’d been spending most of his time thus far either lingering awkwardly in one place hoping not to be noticed or wandering from one place to another as if he had somewhere to go … which he didn’t. Normally, he would at least have a partner in awkwardness. Tonight he was on his own. It was immeasurably worse. So this was what life without Phil was like?

“What up?” he greeted Caspar’s camera with a smile. Trying to act normal when he felt like only half of a whole. He thought of Phil maybe watching this, right now. It was a livestream, after all. “I’m cold as heck. My nipples are **so** hard right now.” He cringed a little inside at the comment. Normally, it was something he would have just murmured to Phil where no one else could hear. But he just tried to imagine that Phil was watching, and he smiled and joked, and he bit his lip raw with nervousness about his talk … and he tried to be strong.

That’s what tonight was about: being strong. He was going to tell the story of how he found his strength, how he chose to go public, how he hoped it had helped others, and how it had turned out better than he ever could have dreamed. And he wouldn’t talk about the person who had been by his side the whole time, because that person wanted tonight to be Dan’s time to shine. So he would do his best to shine … for Phil. Because he knew it made Phil proud. He would do his best to tell his own personal story, to share with others the things he had learned from his own personal journey, and he would hold his head up high and try not to let anyone see how much he missed the ghost by his side while he did it.

And then he would go home to a spork in a ratty hoodie and demand a reward for being brave enough to do it on his own.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can also find me on Tumblr as @adorkablephil and on Twitter as @stilladorkable. Feel free to come say hi any time!


End file.
